It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize