sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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