2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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