I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
