im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
