I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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