I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
