The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh god it's open bar.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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