pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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