I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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