either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
