does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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