Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
