My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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