its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
