; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
