You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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