I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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