You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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