Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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