are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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