There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So much rum. So many feels.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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