I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
