just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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