I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have fence marks all over my body
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
