It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
