i barfeds in our rink
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
