You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
