i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
