I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
