I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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