also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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