$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize