apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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