ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
