If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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