the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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