It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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