Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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