Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
