This is not my ceiling
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
