can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
