Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
