She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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