I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
