Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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