So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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