I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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