The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
