barbara walters just said penis...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
