Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
