Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
