Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
