she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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