oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
