New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
