The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
