i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
