I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FUCK WHALES
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
