Your dad touched me again.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
