I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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