Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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