i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize