i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
