omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
