the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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