Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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