I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize