Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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