New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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