My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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