i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
