Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She needs sedatives and a leash
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
